Comedy show anchors lambasted the shocking military action against Caracas, the seizure of the Venezuelan leader, and vague plans to "govern" the country.
Jon Stewart
Making his first appearance to the show in the new year, the comedian dove straight into the surprise move to remove Maduro from power in the first days of the year, an action condemned by numerous countries as a "act of war."
"Now, obviously, this is actually a very tense situation for the international community," he said. "It is highly unusual for a sovereign nation to violate the airspace and territory of another sovereign nation and execute a snatch operation on their head of state."
"The truth is, nobody can predict how this endeavor is going to unfold," he added. "However, judging by the America's history, my prediction is we’re going to be overjoyed about this for a short period. And then 30 years from now, there will be a socialist uprising in Venezuela, and the new government will cite this event as the reason our embassy there is on fire. And it will completely derail a Democrat’s presidency. Generally, that’s how this stuff works."
The host further mocked the blatant admission that the incursion was motivated in part by desire for petroleum resources, even after advisors' efforts to frame it as an anti-drug trafficking effort.
"Petroleum. Valuable resource, certainly – but not the reason a nation, founded 250 years ago on the principles of freedom and independence, would invade a country and snatch a man at night," said Stewart. "There must be a slightly more noble excuse. Have you never done this before? I mean, what the fuck?"
He quipped that the honesty eliminated speculation: "'It's all about the oil' – Yeah, no, I said it was for the oil."
He observed the concerning standard being set: "If we need shit and it’s within reach, we are going to take it."
"The people I feel sorry for are the supporters, the excuse-makers, the sycophants, who haven’t received the memo that we no longer have to cloak our adventurism in the ideals of our nation," he concluded. "Look, this is all exhausting and exposes the Gulf of America – and I don't mean the ocean. The real Gulf is the gap between the high aspirations that founded this country and the bullying tactics that this crew believes makes us great again."
The ABC Late-Night Host
The host came back with a quick summary of the eventful end-of-year period. "You'd need a nine-part film to cover it all," he said. "I'll try to boil it down."
He recalled that the former President recently hosted a major awards ceremony, which reportedly earned the smallest audience in the program's history. "I pity the staffer who had to see those ratings and eat ’em," he said.
Kimmel also pointed out the stark contrast between a promise of "peace on earth" and the launching of a foreign invasion just two days. "To give you an idea of how bad these released documents are for Trump, turns out they’re 'invade Venezuela' bad," he stated.
More absurdly, Kimmel ridiculed the claim about now managing Venezuela. "He plans to govern another country? He can't run the country he is supposed to lead!" he exclaimed. "This is like if a struggling store decided to buy another bankrupt chain."
Stephen Colbert
On his program, Colbert addressed the surprise attack. "Do you know what this means? Those recently released files must be incredibly damaging," he suggested, taking a drink on stage.
"For the record, Maduro is no saint," he stated. "The question is suddenly decide to snatch their president in what seems like a breach of domestic and global statutes? Well, allegedly, the last straw was Maduro’s penchant for dancing in public."
"Well, that's a novel excuse," said Colbert after viewing a clip. "Consider this a lesson to every enthusiastic dancer."
Colbert then mocked the ensuing question of who would govern Venezuela, suggesting it might come down to media companies. "Naturally, Trump has his idea," which is to "run the country until such time as a orderly and legitimate transition."
"Wait, he'll run this country and Venezuela?" he joked. "Apparently, when he says 'America first' he means in the dictionary."
Seth Meyers
"Everyone, Donald Trump set a record this weekend by becoming the first winner of a peace prize to initiate a military strike and capture a foreign president," joked Meyers. "It's the biggest surprise since a notorious character was voted the last person to commit a certain act."
Meyers later mocked the efforts to spin the attack as a crusade against drug trafficking, while the President immediately confessed the reason was petroleum. "It's astonishing how Trump constantly undermines everyone around him and confesses the truth," he said.
He also played a series of clips highlighting previous rhetoric railing against "never-ending wars."
"I still can’t actually believe anyone thought Trump was being sincere about being opposed to conflict," he said. "Did people assume Donald Trump, the most thin-skinned man on the planet, would suddenly embrace the concept of caution when he gained control of the U.S. armed forces? Giving Donald Trump control of the armed forces is like giving a reality TV cast an unlimited alcohol and a 'permission to fight' coupon. There’s going to be a lot of fighting, a lot of crying and a lot of terrible decisions."
